Wednesday, February 27, 2013

suspense vs. stupidity in movies and TV shows

Sometimes when I’m watching a movie or a TV show, and somebody does something really stupid, I just want to yell at them. I know they can’t hear me, but someone should yell at them. Here’s an example. I was watching a show where there’s a killer in the house, and the character knows that the killer is in the house. So what does she decide to do? She goes into the basement! And then I had this conversation running through my head:

Wait, what are you DOING? Don’t go in the basement. Do NOT go in the basement. ACK! OMG! Why aren’t you listening to me fictional character lady? Why do you want to go down to the basement? Haven’t you ever seen a horror movie? I don’t care if you’re an FBI agent and have a gun. There’s a killer. In the HOUSE! Probably in the basement, where you’re going! And if they aren’t in the basement, they will be soon, so get out of there! Better yet, LEAVE THE HOUSE! If you’re not there, they can’t kill you.

Oh, and another thing, why is it that the lights never seem to work in the basement and they always have to use a flashlight? Turn on the light people! Okay, that would alert the killer that you were coming downstairs, but so will the flashlight and the creaking stairs. So, turn on the light! That way you can see the killer when he or she jumps out at you!

Oh No! The scary music is playing. Now you did it! Yes, I know you already called for backup, because, let’s face it, killer in the house! That’s why you should stay upstairs, where they can find you, until they come, you know, to back you up! No, don’t go down those stairs! I’m going to tell your mother! There’s nothing down there you really need to see or do that can’t wait until after the other people get there so that the killer doesn’t kill you.

Good job! You made it to the basement and you’re still alive! We’re all proud of you, you risk taker. No GET OUT!

Seriously. Leave the basement! Leave it NOW! Just DO IT! Just get out of the basement! Just GO! UPSTAIRS! NOW! RIGHT NOW!

---If you & your friends continue being too stupid to live,* I’m going to stop watching.---

They’re hiding behind the curtain. The killer. Is behind. THE CURTAIN!


She’s right behind you! RUN! No, not that way, the other way!


---Watching movies and/or TV is fun, when it doesn’t give you a heart attack.---

Oh goody, here's another show. What's this guy doing? Dude, do NOT go in that basement! Get out of the house and call the POLICE! Seriously! Did you not learn anything when I was yelling at the FBI lady? Great. He's not listening to me either. Shocker! But he hasn't gone to the basement yet. He looks too scared:

Do you think he's going to the basement? Do you ever yell at the characters on TV or in the movies when they're doing stupid things?

How does stupidity build suspense on the screen? It doesn't! It just makes the viewer frustrated.
* She lived to see another episode. The killer got caught, and all ended happy-happy, well except for the people who were already dead. They probably weren’t too happy.